Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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