wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
