she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
