I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
