You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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