In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
