everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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