I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
