I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
