There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
