you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
