I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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