"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
