Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
