dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
