is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
