I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You can't just leave with hair like that
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Two words: blizzard sex
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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