Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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