I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
