I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize