I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
