I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize