found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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