On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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