Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
