I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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