i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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