He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
