Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Someone shattered a urinal.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
