I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
