I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
