Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
