Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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