I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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