I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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