I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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