glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
