I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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