Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Soap is not a condiment
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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