Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
