I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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