FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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