how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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