Old men and throwing up are my life now.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
MIDGETS
????
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
