Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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