Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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