Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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