After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I queefed so loud it echoed.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize