I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
