i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
