Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
