Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
