Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
