We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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