My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
