No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I will pee on everything he values.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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