I'm lost and stupid without you.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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