i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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