Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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