So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
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