Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
