we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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