my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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