BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
