my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
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