my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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