Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
