WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
