just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize